Far too often, parents call out instructions to their children from two rooms away. The kids are engaged in their play and barely hear the instructions, let alone understand it’s directed at them. Or parents talk “at” their children, lecturing in a monologue that invites no true communication. Children of all ages respond much better to purposeful, face to face conversation.
You can engage your child’s attention much more effectively if you take a moment to go to him, get down to his eye level, and talk clearly to him face-to-face. When you do this, you have your child’s full attention. There’s no chance that you’re being ignored or that he doesn’t realize you are talking to him. In addition, your child can read your non-verbal communication signs, such as facial expression and body language. This will add to her ability to truly understand what you are saying. And you will be able to read your child’s non-verbal language, which will help you know if she truly understands what you are saying.
Children are not little adults, but they are little people. They love their parents and they want to understand them. Give them an opportunity to listen and to learn and to participate in a conversational exchange with you.
Mother-speak:
“It is a useful reminder that children need more explanation. We as adults take so many things for granted and can sometimes unwittingly forget that our children don’t have our lifetime of experience behind them. We unconsciously expect our children to know more than they do when it comes to their behavior.”
Sonja, mother to Ekatarina, age 3
When you have a request, or have something to say, take the extra minute or two to get eye-to-eye with your child and talk clearly and respectfully. Explain what you want and why you want it. Ask questions to confirm that your child understands you. This exchange of information doesn’t take very long, and the pleasant results are well worth it.
Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth
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