| Stop
Crying!
By Elizabeth Pantley,
author of Perfect Parenting and Kid Cooperation
Question: My child cries easily,
often, and usually for unimportant reasons. The result around our
house has been a "'Boy Who Cried Wolf" story. When he's
crying about a valid injury, nobody listens. Why does he cry so
much, and how do I get him to stop?
Think about it: When your
son was a baby, his cries brought love and attention. He's just
never learned how to replace the crying with more mature ways of
calling for help. He'll need your help to learn how to change his
behavior.
Don't demand that he stop:
Don't say, "Stop crying" since that never works, and only
makes you angry when your child cries harder! Instead, tell your
child what you do want, "I need to hear your words. Tell me
what's wrong. Use your big boy voice." Sometimes it helps to
get him started, "Georgie, talk to me. Say, 'Mommy, I want...'
"
Help him understand his feelings:
Acknowledge the reason your child is crying to validate his feelings.
"You're so frustrated because you want a cookie" or "I
know you really wanted to go with Daddy." Often crying is a
call for understanding. Acknowledgment can offer what your child
needs to hear, and may help him stop crying and move past his sad
or angry emotions.
Don't respond: If the crying
is manipulative (for example, you said no more ice cream and your
child is crying), simply ignore it and leave the room.
Is there a reason? Determine if the crying
is related to insufficient sleep, or poor eating habits. If so,
move bedtime earlier or have a daily nap or rest time for re-charging.
Also, watch your child's eating habits and make sure he's getting
three meals plus healthy snacks, and not going more than three hours
without food.
Quality time: Increase the
amount of one-on-one time your child gets from the important adults
in his life. Sometimes crying is a plea for attention. Just remember
to give the attention prior to the start of the crying, not as a
reward for crying.
Don't be so tough: Recognize
that your child is a sensitive person by nature. Use lighter discipline.
Often, with this type of child, a firm tone is often enough to get
your point across. Also, try to use alternate discipline methods
such as distraction or the use of humor to keep him on track. Avoid
being too harsh, as this behavior will just prolong the incidents
of crying.
Happy face/Sad face: Using
index cards (or small pieces of paper) make ten cards that show
happy faces, colored bright yellow on the front side. Draw sad faces,
colored blue, on the backside. Poke holes in the cards and put a
small loop of yarn through the hole. Hang the cards on a piece of
cardboard or a key holder smiling face up. (Or tape them to the
refrigerator.) Show them to your child in the morning. Explain that
each time your child cries you will turn a happy face over into
a sad face. Say that if there are more happy faces than sad at the
end of the day when you are putting pajamas on, then you will read
an extra book (or some other pleasant treat you child can look forward
to). Often, the faces alone are enough to motivate a child. (Expect
a strong reaction the first time you turn a happy face over! Since
this is so visual, children are often angry when you turn the face
to a sad one.)
Stop Crying!
By Elizabeth Pantley, author of Perfect Parenting and Kid Cooperation
(Excerpted with permission by NTC/Contemporary Publishing Group
Inc. from Perfect Parenting, The Dictionary of 1,000 Parenting Tips
by Elizabeth Pantley, copyright 1999)
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth
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