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"Should
I let my baby cry it out?"
By Elizabeth Pantley,
Author of the No-Cry Sleep Solution
Does it takes forever for your baby to fall asleep? Does he or she
only fall asleep if you breastfeed, give a bottle or pacifier, rock,
carry, swing, take a ride in the car, or perform other elaborate
rituals? Does your baby wake up frequently throughout the night?
Are your sleep issues further complicated because your baby won’t
nap easily, or takes very short naps?
Do you ever feel like Leesa, mother of 9-month-old
Kyra who said, "I am truly distressed, as the lack of sleep
is starting to affect all aspects of my life. I feel as though I
can't carry on an intelligent conversation. I am extremely unorganized
and don't have the energy to even attempt reorganization. I love
this child more than anything in the world, and I don’t want to
make her cry, but I'm near tears myself thinking about going to
bed every night. Sometimes I think, ‘What’s the point? I'll just
be up in an hour anyway.’"
As your sleep issues cast lengthening shadows
over your life, you may begin to live purely for the moment. Your
sleep-deprived, foggy brain may focus so intently on sleep that
you can’t think beyond the next few hours of rest. You may have
one – or many – people telling you that you should just let your
baby cry to sleep. You are probably frustrated and confused. What
you lack is perspective. To gain that perspective, ask yourself
these questions:
- Where will I be five years from now?
- How will I look back on this time?
- Will I be proud of how I handled my baby’s
sleep routines, or will I regret my actions?
- How will the things I do with my baby today
affect the person he will become in the future?
Once you have some perspective about your baby’s
current sleep issues, it is important to be realistic in determining
your goals and to be honest in assessing the situation's effect
on your life. Some people can handle two night wakings easily, while
others find that the effect of even one night waking is just too
much to handle. The key is to evaluate whether your baby’s sleep
schedule is a problem in your eyes, or just in those of the people
around you.
Begin today by contemplating these questions:
- Am I content with the way things are, or
am I becoming resentful, angry, or frustrated?
- Is my baby’s nighttime routine negatively
affecting my marriage, my job, or my relationships with my other
children?
- Is my baby happy, healthy, and seemingly
well rested?
- Am I happy, healthy, and well rested?
- What is a reasonable expectation for my
baby at his/her age?
- What naptime and bedtime situation would
I consider “acceptable”?
- What naptime and bedtime situation would
I consider “pure bliss”?
- Why do I want to change my baby’s sleep
patterns? Is it truly what’s best for me and my baby, or am I
doing this to meet someone else’s expectations?
- Am I willing to be patient and make a gradual,
gentle change for my baby if that means no crying?
Once you answer these questions, you will have a better understanding
of not only what is happening with regard to your baby’s sleep,
but what approach you will feel most comfortable using to help your
baby sleep better.
In addition to my two-year-old son Coleton,
I have three older children, and they have afforded me the perspective
I lacked the first time around. My children have taught me how very
quickly babyhood passes. I struggle now to remember the difficulties
of those first couple years, so fleeting are they. And I am proud
that I didn’t cave in to the pressures of others around us to do
what they felt was right; instead I followed my heart as I gently
nurtured all of my babies. That time is long gone for us, but those
memories remain. And now, all four of them sleep through the night.
And so do I.
Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill/Contemporary
Publishing from The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to
Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley,
copyright 2002
Website: http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth
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